“You’re so mature for your age!” “Wow, you’re always so calm and collected!” Compliments like these might sound like a pat on the back, but for many, they carry a heavy weight. Beneath their surface lies a history of inherited survival mechanisms, often passed down through generations. These phrases, meant to be uplifting, sometimes reflect deeper patterns of generational trauma, particularly in families shaped by cultural expectations and hardships.
Read MoreFilipino families are known for their warmth, tight-knit connections, and shared values. But while these familial bonds are a source of strength, they can also carry deep-seated challenges. From double standards to unspoken expectations, many Filipino children grow up navigating a labyrinth of cultural pressures rooted in generations of tradition.
How do we reconcile our love for family with the weight of these expectations? How can therapy help us break cycles of shame, guilt, and obligation while maintaining our cultural identity?
Read MoreGrowing up gay in a Filipino household is a unique journey. It’s a complex intersection of identity, culture, and familial expectations—one that often feels isolating, confusing, and, at times, heartbreaking. For many Filipino-Americans, where traditional values dominate and religion plays a significant role, being gay means navigating a world that doesn’t feel built to embrace who you truly are.From whispered expectations of masculinity to the silent judgment of extended family, the struggle to reconcile one’s authentic self with cultural norms can feel like an insurmountable obstacle. But the journey of self-acceptance is one that deserves to be told.
Read More“I pressure myself to be perfect.”
“I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry.”
“I put my family’s needs above my own.”
These are just a few of the shared experiences eldest Filipina daughters have voiced—a testament to the weight of cultural expectations and familial roles they often carry. While the role of the eldest child is celebrated in Filipino households, it’s also one of the most challenging. For many, it comes with an unspoken expectation to be perfect, selfless, and emotionally resilient for the sake of their families.
Lounging in bed and scrolling through social media, a photo pops up on my feed of another family gathering - another cousin outing - that I wasn’t invited to. Now, you might expect me to describe a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach or a flash of heat over my face, but in this moment, I am neither mad nor jealous. I am not petty or upset. Instead, I feel happy. I smile slightly at the photo, tap “like” on the post, and wonder about how they’re doing these days. I miss them.
Read More
