The Unseen Burden of Eldest Filipina Daughters: A Journey Toward Healing
“I pressure myself to be perfect.”
“I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry.”
“I put my family’s needs above my own.”
These are just a few of the shared experiences eldest Filipina daughters have voiced—a testament to the weight of cultural expectations and familial roles they often carry. While the role of the eldest child is celebrated in Filipino households, it’s also one of the most challenging. For many, it comes with an unspoken expectation to be perfect, selfless, and emotionally resilient for the sake of their families.
This article delves into the unique struggles faced by eldest Filipina daughters, explores the cultural roots of these challenges, and highlights how seeking help through therapy can bring about healing and empowerment.
The Invisible Weight of Being the Eldest
In many Filipino families, the eldest daughter is more than just a sibling. She’s a second parent, a role model, and often, the emotional glue that holds the family together. But behind this strong exterior lies an internal dialogue filled with pressure, guilt, and unspoken frustration.
For Filipino immigrant families, the eldest child often becomes the bridge between two worlds. Whether it’s helping parents navigate life in a foreign land or guiding younger siblings, this responsibility can feel like an unrelenting burden. The result? A constant need to be perfect, not just for themselves but for everyone who depends on them.
The Taboo of Anger
Another common sentiment among eldest daughters is the inability to express anger. The cultural expectation to maintain harmony within the family often silences their frustrations.
This emotional suppression stems from the deep-rooted Filipino value of utang na loob (a sense of debt or gratitude). Eldest daughters are taught to prioritize family obligations above all, even at the cost of their own emotional well-being. Expressing dissent or frustration can feel like betrayal, even when it’s justified.
Selflessness at a Cost
It’s no surprise that eldest daughters often feel compelled to put their family’s needs above their own.
This selflessness, while admirable, can lead to burnout. Many eldest daughters find themselves emotionally and physically exhausted, with little time or energy left for their own dreams and aspirations. The guilt of wanting something for themselves often overshadows their desires, leaving them stuck in a cycle of sacrifice.
Redefining Boundaries: A Path Toward Healing
The pressure to always say “yes” and the guilt of wanting personal space are deeply ingrained in the lives of eldest daughters. However, more Filipinas are now realizing that setting boundaries is not a betrayal but a form of self-preservation.
Christine Melendres, a licensed therapist and eldest daughter herself, shared her journey:
"I felt this way for so long, like I had to do it all alone. I had to set boundaries I never knew I needed. Now, I’m a licensed therapist helping others do the same at Sweet Mango Therapy."
Similarly, Maxine Soriano, another therapist, highlighted the importance of seeking help:
"I struggled with strict expectations from my Filipino parents. I understand how overwhelming it can be. A session with me helps you embrace this transformation in a safe and supportive space."
Through therapy, many eldest daughters are learning to communicate their needs, redefine their roles, and find balance. They are discovering that it’s possible to honor their family while also taking care of themselves.
Seeking Help Is Strength
The struggles of eldest Filipina daughters are valid, and their experiences deserve acknowledgment. Therapy offers a safe space to process these feelings and learn how to navigate the complexities of cultural and familial expectations. It’s a powerful step toward healing—not just for the individual but for their family as well.
As Sweet Mango Therapy reminds us: “We’re here for you, because we’ve been there.”
If you resonate with these experiences, consider reaching out for support. You don’t have to carry the weight alone.
Start your healing journey today.
Visit Sweet Mango Therapy for more information.