Grieving the death of a parent is one of the most profound challenges anyone can face. For Filipinos, this experience often comes with layers of cultural expectations, unspoken rules, and a deep sense of responsibility to family. While grief is universal, the way it is processed can vary significantly across cultural contexts.

For many gay Filipinos, the journey to self-acceptance is not just personal—it’s deeply intertwined with family expectations. Growing up in a culture that places immense value on family unity, respect, and tradition, LGBTQ+ Filipinos often find themselves navigating a complex web of guilt and grief when their true selves are met with rejection or conditional love. But what does this grief look like, and how can healing begin?

Generations of Filipinas have grown up internalizing a single narrative: family always comes first. While this value fosters deep connections and a strong sense of community, it often comes at a personal cost.

For many Filipinos, childhood was marked by an unrelenting pressure to be perfect. Whether it was excelling in academics, winning competitions, or simply “making your family proud,” the expectations were sky-high. This drive for perfection, while often rooted in love and cultural pride, left countless Filipinos with feelings of inadequacy that persist into adulthood.

“You’re so mature for your age!” “Wow, you’re always so calm and collected!” Compliments like these might sound like a pat on the back, but for many, they carry a heavy weight. Beneath their surface lies a history of inherited survival mechanisms, often passed down through generations. These phrases, meant to be uplifting, sometimes reflect deeper patterns of generational trauma, particularly in families shaped by cultural expectations and hardships.