The Grieving Language of Filipinos

WRITTEN BY: FRANCESA JANA SANTIAGO

Traditions are what sets groups apart from each other, they are manifestations of the different aspects of our heritage. But most importantly, and especially to immigrants, traditions connect us to both our cultural identities and our communities. Filipinos are the type of people who pride themselves on valuing traditions. From Lumpia being a staple food at birthdays to celebrating Christmas three months earlier to making sure to do the mano whenever elders are around, there is always some sort of tradition Filipinos will attach to specific situations…even those that cause much pain.

Whether introverted or separated one may feel, Filipinos are generally social beings and that is because any significant event is spent communally. Filipinos will celebrate together and grieve together. The cultural value of bayanihan or unity is what prompts us to not only be empathetic towards one another but also to cooperate in creating a safe space for each other. So not only are we capable of investing our time and money into fiestas and reunions, but when a loved one dies, Filipinos will put a stop to their daily routines just to attend and take care of funeral services.

While our community may identify as mostly positive and resilient people, we do in fact grieve differently. Roanne Samuels wrote in Kalamansi Juice that compared to American culture where “self-regulation is emphasized”, wailing or any extreme emotions are common in Filipino funerals. Roanne remembered how even the adults would mourn openly and this made her realize that in Filipino culture, the emphasis is on co-regulation. Filipinos often shy away from other serious matters (such as mental health) but when vulnerability becomes collective, what’s usual becomes blurred.

Losses come in all sorts and grief has many faces, just like how Filipinos’ beliefs and practices in relation to death vary by their religious and personal experiences. Some customs prompt Filipino families to avoid hospitals and take care of their sick relatives until they pass. Another is families traveling from different places just to come home and hold a seven to nine-day wake in honor of the deceased. But one thing is for sure: these are and will always be done together. Death in the Filipino community is also an opportunity to strengthen family ties and the concept of family in our culture may be complex, but it is strong.