Honoring Our Heritage, Preserving Our Peace: Navigating Stress as a Filipino-American

Honoring Our Heritage, Preserving Our Peace: Navigating Stress as a Filipino-American

Written by Maria Aurora San Pedro, LMFT

Edited by the One Down Editorial Team for clarity and style.

Maria Aurora San Pedro, LMFT

One of the most fascinating, but complicated, aspects of Filipino culture is our deep-rooted value of “respect.” It’s a beautiful principle, but it can also clash with our personal needs, especially when it comes to setting boundaries with family and prioritizing our mental health. April is Stress Awareness Month, which makes it the perfect time to reflect on these tensions. As a Filipino-American and California-based therapist, I’ve spent years witnessing how culture shapes the way we carry stress, sometimes silently.

The Duality of Respect

Many of us grew up showing respect through gestures like mano po—a ritual that felt sacred, even when offered to relatives we barely knew. I remember the way it made me feel connected—to family, to tradition, to something bigger than myself. It wasn’t just etiquette. It was culture I could feel in my hands.

But as I got older, I began to notice a tension. What happens when the same elders we’re taught to honor—parents, aunties, uncles, grandparents—are also the ones whose words cut the deepest? When respect means staying silent while they question your choices, dismiss your emotions, or expect perfection without space for vulnerability?

This is the quiet storm many Filipino-Americans carry: the conflict between being outwardly respectful and inwardly overwhelmed, quietly battling stress, guilt, and the longing for boundaries.

We’re taught that respect means obedience—and to disagree with elders is to risk being called bastos (disrespectful) or walang hiya (shameless). So we stay quiet. We shrink ourselves to keep the peace, even when it costs us our emotional well-being. Over time, this silence can turn into anxiety, burnout, or disconnection. But honoring our culture doesn’t mean we can’t question it. Healing begins when we hold space for both—our deep respect for tradition, and our need to rewrite parts of it that no longer serve us.

Re-Scripting Without Disrespecting

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned as a therapist—and as a human being—is this:

You can have feelings and still be respectful. You can respect your heritage while safeguarding your peace.*

It's not either/or. It's both/and.

The Write Journal

Here are 4 culturally based ideas to begin practicing that balance:

1. Find Healing Through “Kwento” 

“Kwento” means story—and in our culture, stories are everything. They carry our lessons, our laughter, and our love. Lately, I’ve found myself leaning in when my parents share about relatives I’ve never met—ancestors from the Philippines whose lives quietly shaped my own.

The more I listened, the more I understood my roots. It helped me see the thread between where I’m from and who I’m becoming.

So whether you’re at the dinner table, on a long drive, or sitting with your lola—ask questions. Share your stories. Speak them aloud. There’s healing in our words. Sometimes, telling your story is the first step to knowing yourself.

1. Practice “Pakikiramdam” with Boundaries

“Pakikiramdam” is the Filipino concept of intuition, feeling deeply and empathy toward others. Almost like reading the room, feeling the vibe and anticipating the needs of others. It’s part of what makes us such relatable and intuitive people.

But if we’re not careful, “pakikiramdam” can become people-pleasing.

Instead of just tuning into others' needs, begin respecting your needs too. This might mean saying “no” to protect your “yes’s.”  These boundaries can be set in a loving but firm way with the people we care about. For example, if parties during holidays are exhausting or can feel like a room of judgement, it's acceptable to limit your time spent at the party or have a self-care plan for what you’ll need afterwards.

You can be present with empathy, but not at the expense of your inner peace.

1. Reclaim “Hiya” as vulnerability 

“Hiya”  is a very strong word in the Filipino culture meaning “shame” or "embarrassment." It has a powerful influence on how we manage behavior. "Don't do that, nakakahiya,” which translates to "What will other people think?" or “Walang hiya” which translates to “you have no shame!?”

But what if we redefine “hiya” into allowing vulnerability. 

Although “hiya” keeps us polite it can also keep us silent. Being vulnerable is not a betrayal of culture — it’s an act of courage. Perhaps therapy, journaling, or honest conversations can break the silence and relating to your peers can move you closer to your community. 

1.  Lean into your “panlipunan”

“Panlipunan” refers to social or community life. Our social support can be difficult to seek, especially in a culture where we’re taught to keep things within the family or to handle problems quietly. But when we embrace it, it becomes one of our greatest tools for healing. These values create strong, emotionally grounded connections within families,friends, hobbies, neighborhoods, and even workplaces. And when it comes to mental health, these connections matter. 

The sense of belonging helps foster a place of feeling and can reduce feelings of isolation. When we embrace these connections, we tap into a system of collective care which builds connection. This support even more so during difficult times in life, can be a crucial tool in managing stress, building resilience, and improving emotional well-being.

Reflect on our culture to help you heal

Navigating stress as a Filipino-American is layered. We carry ancestral stories, expectations, and values that are powerful—but also, sometimes, difficult or even hurtful. And that’s okay.

Healing is not about discarding where we are from—it is about growing up from it. It is about knowing that embracing our culture does not mean us inheriting all its hurt.

So during this Stress Awareness Month, I want to challenge you to ask yourself:

- What part of my heritage keeps me strong? 

-What values are you carrying that still serve you?Which ones need to be redefined?

-What part makes me stressed and why?

- How can I honor both with kindness?

You can feel. You can heal. And you are allowed to rewrite the story in a way that respects your roots—while still letting you grow.

Aurora San Pedro, LMFT

Founder of The Garden State of Mind Psychotherapy Services

IG: @thegardensom.psychotherapy