Does my family need to be involved in my dating decisions?
Where does the balance lie?
As Filipinos, our parents and siblings play an integral role in all our lives; family is, after all, the first community we’re part of. Many times, our personal decisions can be heavily influenced by what they say–since several of our relatives are in the medical field, isn’t it any wonder that we’re expected to follow suit? But if there’s one thing that’s most talked about or even grates on the nerves the most, it’s the subject of dating and marriage.
From Unslpash
The old and the new
Traditional Filipinos view marriage in stages, but it typically starts in courtship. A man visits his beloved’s home in an attempt to win her over. Each visit is an attempt to show the woman and her family that his motives are pure. But really, it isn’t just her whom he’s trying to woo. There’s also the matter of gaining everyone else’s favor–most especially Papa’s. No Filipino Dad would give away his baby girl just like that.
Because our upbringing is also heavily influenced by religion, marriage is considered a major milestone, and raising a family naturally comes next. So, if you’re single, you really shouldn’t be surprised by now if Tita keeps bugging you at every reunion about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re in a relationship, they’ll ask you for your wedding date. If you’re married, they’ll ask about kids. And so on.
From Pexels
Paths diverging
Of course, times have changed, yet the expectations remain the same. What our parents were used to may no longer apply today, but they still have that desire to speak into our love lives (or lack thereof).
And for that we say: let them.
Yep, you read that right. Our families almost always speak into our lives, anyway. For the most part, they mean well. But letting them have a say doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with them, or doing what they want.
The final decision on who to date and be with is ultimately on you.
Having our families make the dating decisions for us is problematic. Yes, we are grateful that our parents raised and guided us. We may have had moments of learning from their past mistakes. But letting them take the reins in our dating life is shirking ourselves of our responsibility to ourselves. It also paves the way for unnecessary blame and greater heartache, especially when things in the dating relationship go south.
There’s also that delicate matter of striking a balance, too. Ask yourself: How much weight do their insights hold in my dating life? We love our families, and they love us, and (hopefully) we are also worthy and capable of finding a love that we are worthy of–a love that we deserve.
Involving our families in our dating decisions means allowing them to speak into our lives, with the right boundaries in place. But in matters of choosing our partners, that’s definitely on us.
Shoot your shot!
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